Hello Reader,
There's a conversation you've been putting off.
Maybe it's with that attending whose style grates on you every single shift. Maybe it's your department chair, a colleague who crossed a line, or a dynamic on your team that everyone feels but nobody names. You know the one.
And every day you don't have it, you tell yourself some version of the same story: This is just how medicine is. It's not worth the fallout. I'll deal.
But what if staying silent wasn't protecting you — what if it was the very thing keeping you stuck
This week on Transforming Healthcare Coaching, I sat down with Dr. R. Lee Sharma — OBGYN, trained mediator, conflict analyst, and host of the Scalpel and Sword podcast. She's spent more than 30 years in clinical medicine and just as long studying the conflict that lives inside our workplaces every single day.
And she said something early in our conversation that I haven't been able to stop thinking about:
Conflict is a vital sign.
Not a character flaw. Not a sign that you did something wrong. A vital sign. Just like a fever tells you something needs your attention, conflict in your team or your system is a signal — not something to stamp out, but something to investigate.
The problem? Most of us were never taught how.
The cost of silence is higher than you think.
Dr. Sharma named it clearly: physicians are conflict avoiders. We stay quiet even when we see something that needs to change, even when the silence is slowly costing us our wellbeing, our team culture, and — yes — our patients.
When we don't have the language or the permission to navigate conflict, we go home still replaying those conversations. We don't get to actually rest. And over time, that compounds. What would've been an 8-hour shift we could decompress from becomes something we carry home, to dinner, to bed, to the next shift. That accumulation has a name, and we all know it: burnout.
The silence we thought was protecting us is often the source of the exhaustion.
The framework: SPARC
Dr. Sharma designed this tool for fast-paced clinical environments — the ICU, the OR, labor and delivery — places where conflict doesn't get hours to resolve. It has to happen in minutes. Sometimes seconds.
S — Stop. External. Draw a break. Her phrase: "I need a minute." Find yours.
P — Pause. Internal. This is the one I think we skip most often. Before you respond, ask yourself: Why am I actually upset right now? Is it this situation — or is it the five other things you're carrying, the fact that you haven't eaten since 6am, the comment from three hours ago that's still sitting in your chest?
A — Ask, don't assume. Open-ended. "Tell me your thought process. Tell me what you're thinking right now." You'd be surprised what you didn't know before you asked.
R — Reflect, then respond. Say it back. "What I'm hearing you say is..." When someone feels genuinely heard, something shifts. You stop being opponents and start becoming partners.
C — Create. Build a path forward together — and for extra credit, build a plan for next time too. Because in medicine, there will always be a next time.
What struck me is how quickly this can move. Not hours. Fifteen seconds. The goal isn't a long, drawn-out mediation. It's a micro-interruption that keeps conflict from hardening into something much harder to work with.
And here's what I shared with Dr. Sharma that felt important:
At Transforming Healthcare Coaching®, we believe leadership and wellbeing are inseparable. The internal pause Dr. Sharma describes — that moment of asking where am I right now in life, not just in this conflict — that's the foundation of everything we teach.
You cannot lead from a place of chronic self-abandonment. The awareness piece isn't soft. It's the internal skill that makes everything else possible.
If you're sitting with an avoidant conversation right now, Dr. Sharma's advice was simple and profound:
- Acknowledge the courage it takes just to be thinking about it. That is the first step.
- Prioritize the relationship over the goal. When you lead with the relationship, the conflict comes into focus more clearly.
- Find a buddy and practice. Role-play it. And when you walk into the room, try opening with something like: "This relationship matters to me. I want to talk through what's between us — and I want us to come out of this stronger, whatever happens today."
She told me she can't imagine a single conversation where those words wouldn't begin to open a door. I believe her.
Connect with Dr. Lee Sharma:
You can find her at rleesharma.com, on LinkedIn, and on her podcast, Scalpel and Sword — where she brings practical, real-world conflict tools to healthcare professionals every week.
If you're a residency program director, department chair, or practice leader thinking about how to bring this work into your organization — she does workshops, lectures, and faculty development. Reach out to her directly.
And if this one landed for you — share it with a colleague who's been swallowing a hard conversation a little too long.
One conversation at a time. Live better, lead better, grow together.
P.S. — The phrase Dr. Sharma uses to stop an escalating moment? "I need a minute." That's it. Simple. Practiced. Ready when you need it. Sometimes the most powerful tools are the ones you've already rehearsed.
🎧 Listen to the podcast sneak peek episode below and listen to the full episode on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, Podbean, or Amazon Music.
What's inspiring us this week:
Returning after a weekend in Boston with Gillian Faith, taking some time with other coaches in leadership and healthcare at the 16th Institute of Coaching and Leadership in Healthcare conference. Taking the time to expand perspectives, theories, and get the latest on the integration of AI in coaching was delightful!
The Practice: Celebrating Wins
We get more of what we focus on. The practice of gratitude and celebrating the goodness of life is the first step in changing our brains, mindsets, and circumstances for the better.
This newsletter is delayed because I became ill after I returned from Boston with severe food poisoning (never going to eat partially cooked eggs ever again). So my win is just being upright enough to send out this newsletter! Stay hydrated, rested, and healthy!
Stay mindful and keep leading,
Lillian
Founder & CEO
| We are planning workshops for the fall: What would you be most interested in attending?? |
|
|
|
|
Ready for More? Join our FREE Community:
This is our free community where we host:
our quarterly Book Rounds book club,
monthly live streaming webinars,
and resources related to leadership and wellbeing.
If you're looking for like-minded support and real growth, this is your space.
Prefer personalized support?
Book a Call to explore how we can support your unique journey in healthcare.
To make sure you never miss an update, please:
- Move this email to your Primary inbox (see steps above).
- Add us to your contacts.
- Click and reply to let your inbox know you want our emails. Plus we love to hear from you!
If you want to update your preferences or unsubscribe, just click the link below.
